TIPS TO HELP PARENTS SUPPORT GRIEVING TEENS

From the Anne Arundel County Public Schools Office of Student Support Services

It can be difficult for adults to comfort and support children, especially when those adults are grieving themselves. Often, adults to not want to discuss the death of another child with their children because they don’t want to upset them or have their children see them sad or upset.  However, teens need their parents’ help when dealing with grief as much as younger children do. 

Teens grieve differently from adults.  They grieve deeply, but often work very hard to hide their feelings.  They look for distractions rather than stay with the grief process long enough to find real relief.  Teens can act as if nothing has happened while they are breaking up inside. Teens sometimes take on the role of caregiver to family and friends to avoid experiencing their own grief.

To help teens through the grieving process, it is important to listen and watch them to find opportunities to help them talk about what they are feeling.  Because teens are often concerned about fitting in, they don’t want to draw attention to themselves and may not feel comfortable talking about their feelings, especially with adults who they feel may discount their feelings and give them advice rather than simply listening to them.

Don’t force it. Your teen will talk with you when the time is right if you let him or her know that you are there to listen.  When your teen is ready to talk with you, make time to listen with your full attention.

Here are some things you can do:

• Let your teen react to the loss in his or her own way.  There is no right or wrong way to grieve.
• Allow your teen to vent and question.  In a sudden loss, there is often a feeling of confusion and injustice about the death.
• Give your teen time and space to grieve.  Don’t be surprised if months later he or she is very emotional all over again about the loss.
• Reassure him or her that grief is normal.  It may be helpful to visit some of the suggested websites below with your teen to help him or her learn about the grieving process and the feelings associated with it.
• Recognize that extreme behaviors may be a reaction to the loss, but set reasonable limits on those behaviors to make sure that your teen is safe.
• Be aware of your teen’s social networking and other online activities.  Talk with him or her about any memorial pages or online interactions regarding the loss.
• Do not be afraid to show your own emotions. Children learn how to deal with grief in part by watching adults deal with it.

If you notice unusual or extreme behaviors that continue over time, contact your school counselor, school psychologist, school social worker, school nurse, or family doctor to decide if your teen may need counseling support. School counselors are available during the summer months, and parents who need to contact counselors at their child’s school should feel free to do so.  Some teens, may need additional professional support to cope with their feelings of grief and loss.

In addition to the tips above, the following resources that may be of assistance: